CouplesNotes » trust http://www.couplesnotes.com/wordpress The place for relationship rescue and repair Tue, 27 Dec 2011 04:54:47 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3 Are You a Retrosexual? http://www.couplesnotes.com/wordpress/2010/10/are-you-a-retrosexual-2/ http://www.couplesnotes.com/wordpress/2010/10/are-you-a-retrosexual-2/#comments Thu, 28 Oct 2010 03:13:13 +0000 Merry Frons http://frons.com/?p=156 An article in the Boston Phoenix by Deidre Fulton, has added yet another word to the internet generation cultural-sexual lexicon. Retrosexual is the new term for people who reconnect with someone from their past (high school sweetheart, college crush) and the reunion becomes romantic or physical.

Therapists’ offices are filling with couples who are finding . . . → Read More: Are You a Retrosexual?]]> An article in the Boston Phoenix by Deidre Fulton,
has added yet another word to the internet generation cultural-sexual lexicon. Retrosexual is the new term for people who reconnect with someone from their past (high school sweetheart, college crush) and the reunion becomes romantic or physical.

Therapists’ offices are filling with couples who are finding that its not just match.com that they worry about – it’s reunion.com and all the other sites designed to put people back in touch (no pun intended).

It’s one thing if you’re single and this is another option for dating material. The problem is when a spouse’s starts to communicate with someone from the past. It’s especially a problem if the first contact wasn’t noted in the ‘how was your day’ conversation. “I didn’t think anything about it,” doesn’t really fly when the contact is a blonde, beautiful neurosurgeon who just happens to be in town for a convention and has suggested meeting for a drink to catch up. The reconnect can be interpreted in various ways, some of which are not good for the marriage.

So if you’re thinking of responding to a facebook friend and you want to head off potential problems, best to have an agreement on boundaries with old buddies and share the news about old contacts openly.

Therapists’ offices are filling with couples who are finding that its not just match.com that they worry about – it’s reunion.com and all the other sites designed to put people back in touch (no pun intended).

It’s one thing if you’re single and this is another option for dating material. The problem is when a spouse’s starts to communicate with someone from the past. It’s especially a problem if the first contact wasn’t noted in the ‘how was your day’ conversation. “I didn’t think anything about it,” doesn’t really fly when the contact is a blonde, beautiful neurosurgeon who just happens to be in town for a convention and has suggested meeting for a drink to catch up. The reconnect can be interpreted in various ways, some of which are not good for the marriage.

So if you’re thinking of responding to a facebook friend and you want to head off potential problems, best to have an agreement on boundaries with old buddies and share the news about old contacts openly.

]]> http://www.couplesnotes.com/wordpress/2010/10/are-you-a-retrosexual-2/feed/ 0 Healthy Families http://www.couplesnotes.com/wordpress/2009/02/healthy-families/ http://www.couplesnotes.com/wordpress/2009/02/healthy-families/#comments Thu, 19 Feb 2009 18:28:00 +0000 Merry Frons http://www.couplesnotes.com/wordpress/?p=245 What we learn growing up has a big influence on how we handle our adult relationships, especially our relationship with a partner or a spouse.  ’Modeling’ is the term used for behaviors we learn by observing.  Inconsistency is one of the characteristics  modeled in dysfunctional families.  When one grows up observing inconsistency between what is . . . → Read More: Healthy Families]]> What we learn growing up has a big influence on how we handle our adult relationships, especially our relationship with a partner or a spouse.  ’Modeling’ is the term used for behaviors we learn by observing.  Inconsistency is one of the characteristics  modeled in dysfunctional families.  When one grows up observing inconsistency between what is said and the behaviors one observes in one’s parents, issues with trust,  confusion and lack of confidence are the typical results.

What I’d like to talk about in this post is the characteristics that are important for healthy families.  Stephanie Covington, an author and addictions expert, has listed the following 6 characteristics of healthy families.

1.  Commitment – the family is a priority.

2.  Emotional and spiritual wellbeing that fosters trust and the giving and receiving of love.

3.  Open and consistent communication – verbal and non-verbal.

4.  Appreciation that is expressed for others in the family.

5.  Quality family time.

6. Healthy responses to conflict and crisis.

These characteristics are important as continual awareness checks.  We all get caught up in our responsibilities from time to time.  But coming back and staying grounded in this vision can help us correct course when we drift off track.

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