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Love and Brain Chemistry

There’s a interesting post on web MD which explains the changes in brain chemistry when one is “in love”. The rise in dopamine and serotonin that contribute to the feelings of well-being can alternate with the release of the stress hormone, cortisol, explaining the up and down mood changes. One of the researchers states that the period of being “in love” typically lasts 6 to 18 months. The good news is that you can learn to have a conscious partnership that involves a more sustained state of intimacy. Starting with conscious communication techniques that don’t trigger each other and slowing down the communication is one of the first changes that make a big difference.

When couples come to therapy I usually explain one view of the typical relationship timeline from being “in love” and then moving into the power struggle stage where the differences that seemed so endearing in the “in love” stage can cause conflict. These are the stages of an unconscious way of relating. When one starts paying attention to how one is relating, and not acting on impulse, the relationship can move into the stages of a conscious relationship that result in a relaxed, joyful, secure sense of intimacy with one’s partner.

One of the great sayings from AA, “slow up until you grow up,” can apply to the stages of learning to navigate an intimate relationship.

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