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Many Couples Give Up Without Really Trying

An article in the New York Times cited the statistic that two-thirds of couples from a recent study never got counseling before deciding to divorce. The article makes the point that couples can struggle with an issue that can have a simple fix that they are not aware of from their perspective. Leaving the issue untreated, as with a physical wound, it can fester and turn into entrenched resentments that lead to divorce. The story mentions an online site (www.relate-institute.org) that offers a questionaire that will access a couple’s communication and conflict styles which are essential tools in resolving relationship ruptures.

Is Porn Harmful to Your Relationship?

Many therapists have changed their attitudes about pornography in the age of the internet. There was a time, before the world wide web, when the view of pronography was that it was often crude and objectified people, especially women, but that it didn’t pose the danger that therapists see now.

More and more clients in counseling report a transformation in their use from an escapist diversion that could result in enhancing their sexual relationship with their partner to an entrenched habit that can destroy their relationships.

Each partner has a right to their private sexuality as long as it doesn’t impact their relationship.

The easy accessibility and the quick and certain stimulus to the brain’s pleasure centers and the resulting release of dopamine and other soothing chemicals can diminish the drive toward connecting with a partner although one forfeits the intimacy and increasing connection. As with most habits, the continual usage, establishes a neural pathway that becomes the default path.

Wendy and Larry Meltz, experts in marital and sex therapy, cite the following alarming statistic – 50% of the divorce cases in 2008 involved pornography, according to a survey of lawyers belonging to the American Association of Matrimonial Attorneys. The Meltzes point out the need for an increase in awareness of the tremendous potential of pornography to result in compulsive use and addiction. Understanding the neurobiology of the brain’s pleasure centers and how they function can aid in understanding how easily use can turn compulsive and destructive.

What is Sex Therapy?

A good article by Dr. Madeleine Castellanos answers your questions about sex therapy. Dr. Castellanos makes the point that the sooner a couple addresses the problems in their relationship the better the chance that they may be solved.

Signs of Infidelity

There are 7 signs that often accompany infidelity. It’s important to realize that there can be other causes for these situations and the presence of these factors does not mean your partner is unfaithful, only that these are often complaints of spouses before they have found out that their partner has been involved in an affair.
1/ Partner is withdrawn, distant and can seem depressed.
2/ There is increased anger, criticism and less patience than usual
3/ Your partner may complain of feeling trapped and make accusations that you are controlling.
4/ They may be spending more time away from home, not available or away on business.
5/ They may pay more attention to their appearance.
6/ They may become inappropriately defensive.
7/ You may experience changes in the frequency of sex, your partner making more demands for “private time” and spending time on the computer late at night.

Keeping Your Brain Healthy

Research is showing that walking has even more benefits – it helps keep the brain healthy. Read this post to see the details.

7 Kinds of Intimacy

When we speak of intimacy some people think of sex, some think of emotional support. I came across a list of 7 different kinds of intimacy or perhaps it could be termed 7 components that are often present in a satisfying and intimate relationship. Here they are:

Emotional: Sharing of significant meanings and feelings with one another

Intellectual: Sharing of ideas with one another

Aesthetic: Sharing of deep beauty like movies, plays, music, concerts, sunsets, etc

Creative: Shared creativity – working on a common goal to see it come to fruition

Recreational: Sharing “Stress relieving play” – walking, biking, working out…

Work: Sharing common tasks – maintaining a house, raising a family together, earning a living, or community projects

Spiritual: Sharing a common relationship with a form of spirituality.

Talking does increase sense of connection

Neural imagining demonstrates that talking and listening actually increases the sense of connectedness. The mirroring technique in Imago can increase the connection in your relationship. When you feel disconnected from your partner do your make an attempt to connect?

After the Storm

Esther Perel, a New York psychotherapist and author of Mating in Captivity, writes about 3 patterns she has noted in couples relationships after an affair.

Last resort techniques to save relationship

When you are desperate to repair a relationship there are some common approaches that Michelle Weiner, a noted therapist who counsels couples, thinks are not productive. Check out this article by Michelle on the best ways of handling this difficult situation.

The Affair You Don’t Know You’re Having

Emotional affairs are dangerous and can have dire consequences for you and your partner. Read this account that illustrates how one woman slowly crossed the line and didn’t see it until it was too late.